Key Takeaways
- App users tend to characterize a person’s essence based on a few photos.
- Flaws, errors, and unsavory personality traits disappear with a swipe.
- Users should focus on quality over quantity and set clear intentions.
- They should treat matches as individuals, not just profiles.
The Illusion of Instant Judgment
People instinctively infer other people’s personality traits from faces. This includes inferences of their characteristics, affective states, and cognitive states. While these judgments are frequently invalid, they skew many social decisions. The truth is, one doesn’t get the real picture when one characterizes the entirety of a person’s essence and worth based on a few photos and a brief profile text.
People tend to respect others more when they’re face-to-face. Someone holds little to no value if all they are is a profile on a dating app. Making them disposable is easier as you’re not with them in person.
Dating app users often don’t get to the point of meeting in person because they’re making hasty assumptions and judgments on the phone or through a messaging platform. Some users feel like they are at a job interview when they connect with someone and start communicating. While it’s possible to feel the same way with offline dating, there is definitely a difference. Being honest with someone is easier when you’re not staring at them.
All Flaws Disappear With a Swipe
Online dating sites approach relationships the same way one would flip through a catalog. Any flaws, errors, or unsavory personality traits can cause a match to disappear with the flip of a page. At the same time, it’s easy for people to hide their true nature online because you don’t always have body language cues revealing deception. You might not realize you’re about to make an uninformed choice, like one to start dating a married man, because you judged him based on his appearance or traits he chose to bring to the fore.
The element of disposability is understandably pushing people away from online dating. This tendency is most pronounced with Gen Z, which is somewhat perplexing. Given that this generation was born between 1997 and 2012, one would assume its older members would be prime candidates for apps’ swipe-and-match principle. However, that’s not the case. A 2023 Statista survey revealed that daters aged 30-49 accounted for 61% of dating app users, while Gen Z members made just 26% of the total.
Why Is Gen Z Moving Away from Dating Apps?
Gen Z daters face some unique challenges on the apps. Hinge’s 2024 D.A.T.E. report found many members of this generation cited the fear of being cringe and being rejected as their top concerns. Older daters might have more experience with rejection and rebound with less effort after an awkward date or video call instead of internalizing it as “cringe” that they can’t overcome. Things can feel impersonal and very personal at the same time in a tech-mediated world where people and ideas are liked, labeled, upvoted, or attacked. It may be harder for Gen Z daters to put themselves out there and seek partnerships only to get ghosted or passed over. This struggle might explain why some Gen Z users are deleting their dating apps or choosing not to date at all after peers tell them how rough online dating is.
Additionally, many young adults now prefer meeting potential partners through mutual hobbies, social events, or online communities centered around shared interests. Unlike dating apps, where first impressions are heavily based on photos, social platforms allow more organic interactions. This shift suggests that Gen Z may be looking for more depth in connections rather than the instant gratification model that dating apps promote.
The Broader Impact of Swiping Culture
The swipe culture promoted by dating apps fosters a sense of endless choice, which paradoxically leads to more dissatisfaction. Studies suggest that when people are presented with too many options, they struggle to make decisions and often regret the ones they do make. This phenomenon, known as “choice paralysis,” can make dating apps feel more like a shopping experience than an avenue for meaningful connections.
Furthermore, users often fall into the habit of chasing the next “perfect match” rather than focusing on deepening an existing connection. The illusion that there’s always someone better just a swipe away creates a mindset that devalues commitment and long-term compatibility. This results in a cycle where people continually chase new connections rather than nurture potential meaningful relationships.
The Bottom Line: Finding Balance in Modern Dating
Despite the challenges presented by dating apps, a research article found that around 40% of all couples met online, making online dating the most effective option. This majority share is followed by 27% of couples who met in a bar or restaurant, 20% through friends, 11% through coworkers, 7% through family, 6% in school, and fewer than 5% in church or through neighbors.
While the endless swiping fosters the illusion that better options are always just a click away, it also creates opportunities to meet people outside of one’s usual circles. The key is to use these platforms with intention and mindfulness rather than letting them dictate relationship dynamics.
To make the most of online dating, users should focus on quality over quantity, set clear intentions, and treat matches as individuals rather than profiles. Balancing app use with offline interactions and practicing self-worth can help navigate the dating landscape and potentially foster genuine connections. At the end of the day, dating apps are just a tool—it’s up to users to approach them with mindfulness and intentionality to create meaningful relationships.
